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A/N: I'm back! I know, really long hiatus and all that. I've got more than enough 'concerned' (or just plain angry) readers telling me to get back to work and that's just what I did. I can't believe it really took this long, but here it is. I'll try to explain myself as best I can here. Last chapter, some wannabe critic (possibly a troll) among the readers wrote a very...vocal review. Being me, I thought it was bound to have some form of helpful criticism in it somewhere. Sadly, it was just a whole bunch of slander no matter how much I tried to discuss it with the reader. Despite no immediate effects, that little bit of slander made me lose sight of why I use the same style of writing in every single one-shot and why the rest of you guys enjoy them so much. So as a PSA to all of you Pagans/Jerks/Aryans/Slanderers, if you think you can do a better job at writing than I can, then please write your own stuff instead of just hanging around comment boxes. And I quote: "Some drink from the Fountain of Knowledge; you only gargled."

Now then, back to our regularly scheduled program...the Alraune one-shot!

---HereWeGo---

-Indistinct humming-

“...do do do do dooo...” I mumble as I shower.

-Shuffle-

“...ain't got no lovin' for me! Ba ba ba baaa!”

-Rustle-

“And I...hm?” I hear a noise in the bathroom just as I finish my shower.

My body gets chills when I notice the shadowy form of an unwelcome visitor patiently waiting outside the shower door. I stand there frozen with apprehension, straining my brain to think of some way for me to escape this impossible situation. Before doing anything else, I quickly grab my towel hanging over the door and dry myself off in record time. I wrap the towel around my bare waist and think about any other options besides the most obvious one. Finding none, I take a deep breath and brace myself for the worst.

“Hello? Who's out there?” I shout in a commanding voice.

“Just me. I was hoping to shower with you, but I guess it's too late.” The stranger's feminine voice whispers.

“Well then, that leaves us at the part where you get out of my bathroom. Now.” I threaten from my (extremely weak) position.

“I'll be waiting by the door then. We can talk about the fun we'll be having later.”

I pause for a long moment to determine if there's any truth to those words but sadly, there isn't.

“No, seriously, get out. I don't trust you enough as it is.”

“Tch, fine. I'll leave for real this time.”

-Slam-

The disappearance of the shadow lets me drop my shoulders and finally relax for now. I slide open the shower door and take my time drying off the rest of my body. It seems that whoever my surprise guest is, she's patient enough to leave my clothes intact and not rummage through them like some girls I know. I don't know where to start off with this new girl. There's just too many things to worry about and I haven't even laid eyes on her yet. From our short conversation, she seems to be rather interested in getting intimate. Despite my situation, getting cozy is the last thing on my mind. Sighing, I get dressed and step outside.

All of the pent-up tension that I had coming out of the shower instantly vanishes as soon as I see who my would-be assailant is. Leaning against the wall in the hallway with icy-blue eyes is my next-door neighbor, Lucina or 'Lucy' for short. The smirk on her normally aloof face tells me all I need. Despite knowing that I'm not interested, I didn't think she would actually try to catch me in the shower. I really should have asked her to give back the spare house key I lent her once we started high school. However my dad obviously wasn't having any of it. Home is the only place where I can just be myself and unwind from all the daily drama I deal with, so why do I need to have even more drama in my life?

“I don't have time for you, Lucy. There's something important I need to deal with.” I sullenly declare while I walk by her.

Lucy puts a firm grip on my arm, meeting my dull gold eyes as I look back.

“Do you still think I'm going to give up on you?” She says, trying to goad me into her pace.

“I know you won't give up on me, but I gave up on you long ago. It's not worth it to fight a pointless battle.”

“Is it pointless even if I can't win? Even if I'm always thinking about you? That maybe one day you'll love me?” She whispers as she leans against me.

“Lucy, I-”

-Rumble- -Creak- -Crack-

Suddenly, I wrap my arms around Lucy as we hold each other tight while my house shakes violently. After a few minutes the tremors stop, but we are still locked in an embrace for safety. Lucy looks up at me with a hopeful gleam in her eyes and inches her lips closer to mine, vying for a kiss. I simply turn my head so she kisses my cheek instead.

---Don'tBeTooHastyNow---

“That was mean, Damon. I was only thanking you for protecting me...” Lucy pouts as we inspect my house for damage.

“Oh yeah? If I let you kiss me, then how far were you going to take it? Would I still have my clothes on by then?”

“...Mhm...” She looks away with a deep blush.

“Right, the house looks okay for the most part; nothing out of the ordinary. Let's check on my garden!”

“You're only ever excited when it comes to that garden of yours. Haven't you told your dad about it by now?”

“Hell no. He'd probably laugh a couple years off his life if I told him. You know how he is...” I give an involuntary shiver at the embarrassing thought.

“At least he takes us pretty seriously, as-”

Friends, just friends.”

Our conversation ends on that note as I rush out to the backyard to check on my precious garden. It's been a hobby of mine for some time now, and I would be devastated if anything happened to the flowers that were just starting to bloom with the coming of summer. However, the sign of shredded plants is anything but comforting. I frantically follow the trail of pieces until I enter the heart of it all: an abnormally large flower bud. Practically everything that was here is gone now, leaving this strange flower as the sole occupant of my garden. I fall to my knees, exasperated by the thought of all the progress lost in that small tremor. My thoughts are scattered between grief, frustration, relief, and everything else that could apply here.

Apparently, I am so deep in thought that I don't notice the flower bud start moving. With a whirring of vines, I feel myself being lifted into the air as the bud starts opening. I regain my senses just in time to see a gorgeous woman emerge from within the blooming flower. She's covered in long vibrant green hair which compliments her pale jade skin tone by comparison. There's nothing but vines covering her body, leaving little to the imagination, but the most curious thing is that I can't see any lower than her hips. She notices me right away and smiles charmingly while bringing me closer for me to meet her purple-eyed stare.

“We're glad that the first person we see is the man we love.” She whispers to me.

“Erm...what? Could you repeat that?” I suddenly feel flustered when I should be terrified by this woman.

“You really cared for this garden and because of that, we are able to finally meet you. We love you with all of our heart.”

“I'm sorry, I still don't understand. Who is this 'we'?”

The woman's smile deepens as she puts her arms around me in a loving embrace. I feel my legs dipping into some pool of nectar from her flower, but I'm still too confused to react.

“Everything has a soul, and we were no different. Your gentle care for us made us feel alive, to an extent. We shared our love for you between each other and desperately wished for some way to express it physically. A few days ago, we found it in the form of a magical seed that was planted here. This form you see is what your people call an 'Alraune'; a plant person, so to speak. We all sacrificed our individual bodies so that we could share this one, which is why your house shook earlier. We apologize for any inconvenience we caused you.”

The Alraune rests her head on my shoulder as she stroke my back with smooth movements. I can't really react other than returning her embrace and breathing in the pleasant scent that seems to wrap around her.

---LifeInAllThings---

“Then, what should I call you?”

“We will cherish any name you give to us. We exist only because of you.”

“Hmm...you were 'born' in the middle of summer, so how about Lisianthus?”

“Li-si-an-thus...Lisian-thus...Lisianthus.”, the Alraune tests out her name, repeating it a few more times, “It's perfect. We love our name!”

“I'm glad. Now, could you please put me down? I'm starting to feel uncomfortable being held like this.”

Lisianthus sets me on the ground and uncoils her vines from my waist. I barely take a breath before Lucy tackles me to the ground. I get annoyed, but keep my comments silent when I see the worry on her face. She shoots Lisianthus a deathly-cold glare before dragging me off inside the house. In a shocking display, Lucy pushes me against the wall with a swirl of emotion in her eyes. She must be feeling just as complex as I was when I first discovered the remains of the garden. Her shoulders are rising and falling with the burden on her thoughts, obviously focused on the potential danger that Lisianthus poses. I try to send a silent message of relief to her, but it doesn't seem to take hold. Lucy is still keeping her hand against my chest while searching for something in my eyes.

“Lucy...what is it?” I hesitantly ask.

“Do you realize what you've done? That plant is not someone you want to be friends with! She's going to ruin you and take away everything you stand for!” Lucy shouts at me frantically.

“I don't get it. What do you mean by that?” I try to calm her down.

“She's a monster girl! They only exist to make men into their lovers and nothing else! I've studied them before, especially the Alraune species. She'll do everything she can to force you into having sex. Please, just don't let your guard down around her.” Towards the end of her explanation, tears form in Lucy's eyes.

“Alright. I promise you that I won't fall into her pace. But, you need to respect my decision on who I choose, okay?”

Lucy nods in silence, still trying to fight back the tears that are already flowing freely. I push myself off the wall slowly and give Lucy a reassuring hug. She may be a bit overzealous at times, but she's still someone very dear to me despite all of my rejections. Maybe if we weren't neighbors, if we didn't grow up together...maybe we could be a couple. Sadly, it's not the case with Lisianthus. The Alraune is my love of gardening, personified. Everything I've ever known about nature is all wrapped up in that one flower that I named; not even Lucy can top that. With my decision made, I release Lucy and walk back outside. I close the door behind me and spot Lucy watching from the windows with anticipation. She knows what I'm about to do, and for now it seems that she accepts it. I take a few more steps forward until I am mere centimeters away from Lisianthus.

“Lisianthus, do you know how Humans express love?” I inquire, hoping that my instincts are correct.

“Sadly, we do not know anything about expressing love other than announcing it...” She casts her eyes downward in despair.

“Come closer, and I'll show you one method.” I beckon.

“Is this close en-...!?” Her question is cut off as I steal kiss from her lips.

“That's called a 'kiss', what do you think of it?” I whisper once I back away.

“We...don't know...how to respond. It felt like...the most wonderful thing we've ever experienced...may we have another?” Lisianthus cutely asks with a hot blush on her face.

“I love you, Lisianthus.” I tell her before leaning in for another kiss.

---LoveIsTheBestFertilizer---

A/N: *Pon bursts through studio doors* "Is it true? Is the Director really back!?" *Sees me and Sigfred sitting around in chairs* "Oh hey Pon! What's that face you're making?" *Gets punched in the face* "Okay, I guess I deserved that." "Where the hell have you been this whole time!? Do you have any idea how hard it's been to keep the show running in your absence!? We've had so many more monster girls signing up to be here and then you just disappear!" *Sigfred stands between Drake and Pon* "Now calm down, Pon, the Director has a very good reason for what he did. Isn't that right?" *Both assistants just stare as Drake plays League of Legends* "Hm? Oh yeah, this was part of it. Now please be quiet! I am not going to lose as Leona!" *Pon trembles with anger* "Director, I swear I will kill you one day..." *Sigfred dives in front of the camera* "Now that the Director's back, folks, we'll be giving you the regular updates that you all enjoy! For next time, we'll be showcasing Dryad as our feature heroine!